Am I Religious

Yes and no. I've been trying to view some of my pages from a distance and concluded that the overabundance of clergyman's vocabulary required a shy explanation, both to myself and to the poor victims who happen to read them.

I'll try to be as brief as possible.

The soil

My early love for learning resulted in an ever-hungry brain, which by the end of high school was filled with lots of pieces of knowledge and some skills. At the same time, I found myself suddenly indulging in the dull vices of youth. By the time I was 18 a crisis ensued. I felt I needed answers for questions I did not know. Within a few years I dropped some of my bad habits, cleared my mind a bit. Episodes of open-source, non-profit work brought out the better parts of me, soothed me for a while. But the questions remained unanswered.

For the last 12-18 months, the crisis has been growing. By now I am standing at a brick wall, waiting for a clue to guide me through.

The seed

I guess I should say I have been raised as an Orthodox Christian. Dad was never into it until after my teenage years. Mom came from an Orthodox family herself, but I daresay, like for so many other religious people, her commitment is more to the lore than the faith.

I've never been lonely, but still always loved to reflect on my own. Call it my wild imagination or enlightenment, but I opened my eyes to many things this way (e.g. MyDivinity).

The tree

It seems I have believed forever. I clung to something, felt it. It was only logical to call it "God". But there is no language which can contain the wholeness of it in a thousand books, let alone a single word.

And yet I am an accomplished sceptic. My feelings for religions used to range from amusement to contempt. By now I seem to be a lot more tolerant and respectful, but it may as well be ascribed to my indifference.

I have never been a regular church-goer. I used to know a couple of "canonical" prayers, but have forgotten them since. In fact I may well be the most knowledgeable agnostics out there.

Am I religious?

In the end, I just pretend I don't know what "religious" means. I should probably seem to be religious to the non-religious and non-religious to the religious. In other words, I'm screwed

What's with the vocabulary?

I've never been very good with words. Every sentence I put down seems a lie by the time I finish it. The word "God" is not religious to me at all. I love the word and I love whatever and whomever it came to represent for me, but it doesn't feel religious all the same.

Further references

• MyFaith?
• MyGod
• MyHeart
• MySpirit
• MyDivinity

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