My Divinity

Pages like this can not be written without lots of disclaimers nowadays.

Disclaimer

Do I believe in what I think about myself? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but I really don't think about it that often. I completely understand that:

• my imagination is more creative than my logic
• someone can use this to commit me to an institution
• I shouldn't be talking about it anyway

All of this is just a small part of MySpirit.

Here it goes

For as long as I remember myself, I've been a devout thinker, using my mind as a flashlight in the dark mystery of our existence. I have never been close to religion, but I've always had both cynical and affectionate beliefs in God. When I was 5-6 he started granting me some insights which, mixed with my imagination, formed a simple, but exciting background, which I was happy to live on for some time.

One of the first and foremost "divine" ideas I got was not to talk to anyone about it. In retrospect, this looks like a protective measure. Ever since, I haven't really talked about it to anyone, except for occasional hints and references. I still wonder if I'm making a big mistake publishing this.

One of the four

The first thing my eyes were opened to is that I'm here to help people. True enoguh, eating myself to death, watching great movies, achieving personal ambitions and indulging in other pleasurable activities have never brought me as much satisfaction as bringing a heart-warming smile to a face of a stranger.

Being a kid, I guess my mind demanded more facts, so more was "revealed" to me:

• there are four of us
• I was the second youngest one (still probably am)
• we are reincarnating
• we are trying to prevent or delay the Biblical End of Times
• there isn't very much time left
  • but probably enough for one or more lifetimes
• we haven't been very successful yet
• this isn't my first or second incarnation
• in order to succeed, we must find each other and join our forces
• some of my incarnations might have happened in the future

Do I have to believe it?

Putting it all together

To straighten the story a bit, here's how I see it. I used to be a spirit in Lord's Host. My strong love for Him or my deeds delighted Him. Some of us saw that He was saddened by what was happening on earth and the inevitability of End of Times. We walked up to Him and said that we want to live among people, without any special powers. Instead of punishing us for questioning His judgement, He saw that we were sincere in our love for Him and His creations, and granted our wish.

Being human prooved to be an overwhelming experience. Freedom of choice is just amazing. All of a sudden, you can choose to forget about Him, ignore all His commandments and judgements, live as free as an animal, but retaining all His gifts. At first it seems obvious that you should just make the right choice and dwell in His ways, but the enormous void of Godlessness seems so luring and captivating, that you just can't help visiting there from time to time. Astonishingly, so many people live most of their lives there.

Leaving (in a way) the shining Glory of God made us somewhat unshielded from Satan and his brethren, who are walking among people. Like any human being, we can just say "no" when Satan approaches - and Angels will protect us from any evil. But the same freedom of choice is so ever inviting to do otherwise.

Moreover, we came here with love in our hearts, for Him, and all His creation, including light and dark, everything that people live in and live on, and Fallen Angels, too. Yes, God loves Satan still, and so do we. By now, I think He sent us down here not to give us a chance to do something about the End of Times, but to get some wisdom by facing some of the problems He has to deal with. In particular, facing your most loved ones turning against you, hurting you and everything else you love.

TBC...

-- Main.AndrewPantyukhin - 09 Feb 2008